THE PLIGHT OF THE SELF-FUNDED RETIREE

Ah, the self-funded retiree. You’ve worked hard, and saved diligently, and now you’re basking in the golden years of your retirement. But wait—what’s this? When everyone else is getting government handouts, you’ve been overlooked? It seems like the only thing you’re receiving is a large dose of irony. Let’s dive into the delightful world of self-funded retirees and their quest for government goodies!

Picture this: You’ve reached retirement age, you don’t own a gold-plated yacht, and your superannuation is just above the amount that qualifies you for a pension, but nevertheless you are sort of financially comfortable. You’ve worked hard all your life and saved your pennies so that you won’t have to rely on handouts from Centrelink to survive. The government should be very proud of you and reward you in any small way that it can. But, does it? No, no, no! It rewards those people who have either not worked hard enough during their young lives, or frittered away their money and now qualify for the pension.

Your friends who are still working, or are getting a pension of some sort, are getting all sorts of government handouts—tax cuts, energy supplements, pension increases etc. And you? Well, you’re about as likely to receive a government handout as a snowman is to win a tropical holiday.

When there is a ‘cost of living crisis’, prices go up for everything—even the things that self-funded retirees purchase, such as food. So, when the government, usually in the lead-up to an election, decides to hand out ‘cost of living concessions’, does it stop to think that it might be nice to give some to these retirees who are not rich, by any means, but are not sponging off the government? A no-brainer, I would have thought.

Being a self-funded retiree is a bit like having the golden ticket to Willy Wonka’s factory, except instead of chocolate rivers, you’re getting a lifetime supply of financial responsibility. While everyone else is scooping up their share of government assistance like it's free ice cream, you’re left admiring the view from the sidelines, holding your metaphorical golden ticket that’s about as useful as a chocolate teapot.

Let’s not forget the perks of being self-funded. You get to enjoy the thrill of managing your superannuation while everyone else is making friends with their friendly neighbourhood Centrelink officer. You’ve got the freedom to choose how you spend your hard-earned cash—on a new car, an extravagant holiday, or, you know, just making ends meet. The real kicker? You might have a bit more money in your pocket, but hey, at least you don’t have to queue up at Centrelink or wait on the phone for two hours for a customer service consultant to take your call.

Here’s the twist: You’ve spent your life being responsible and planning for the future, and now you’re facing the ultimate irony. You’ve got the funds, and the foresight, and done the preparation, but when it comes to government handouts, it’s like you’ve stepped into an alternate reality where your success is the reason you’re left out. Congratulations, you’ve achieved financial independence—unfortunately, it also means you’re on your own.

So, here’s to you, the forgotten self-funded retiree! It might be time to implement a tiered system of government assistance for the self-funded retiree—ranging from the multi-millionaires down to those just scraping above the pension cut-off point. Because, let’s face it, some of us have just enough to see us through till the end without having to beg at the government’s door. I know you don’t fit into this latter category, Mr Treasurer, but walk a mile in their shoes and see how you feel.