THE GREAT MONTHLY HEIST: HOW YOUR SUBSCRIPTIONS ARE ROBBING YOU BLIND

Welcome to the subscription era! Have you ever bothered to look at your bank account at the end of the month? What are all those smallish amounts that keep appearing on your statement month after month? Oh, right! I remember signing up for that a year ago.

You know that feeling when you check your bank account, and despite not buying anything extravagant, your balance seems… thinner? Welcome to the world of the silent subscription thieves—those sneaky monthly charges that slip in while you’re busy living your best life, binge-watching, scrolling, and pretending to meditate.

Let’s take a stroll down Subscriptions Lane.

Netflix, Stan, Disney+, Amazon Prime… You started with one because you wanted to watch a movie, and now you’re funding the entire entertainment industry. “It’s only $18 a month,” you said. But add a Spotify for your sad, rainy-day playlists and Audible for those self-help books you never open, and suddenly you’ve spent enough to sponsor a small indie film.

Remember that gym membership you signed up for in January, full of optimism and dreams of a six-pack? Your bank account remembers. Add Peloton, Strava, and the premium mindfulness app that promises to “help you meditate while your plants grow,” and you’re basically paying a fortune to feel guilty about not going.

HelloFresh, Marley Spoon, snack boxes, coffee subscriptions… You thought it would save time and make you a culinary genius. Instead, you’re now on first-name terms with three baristas and a crate of kale, while your wallet cries in the corner.

MasterClass, Skillshare, online language apps—you’re learning Italian, painting, and how to play the ukulele simultaneously. And sure, it’s educational… until you realise you’re paying more in subscriptions than most uni students spend on rent.

Credit monitoring, VPNs, dating apps, pet care subscriptions… suddenly, your bank statement looks like an abstract art piece of charges you didn’t know existed. “Oh, that $12 charge from a dating app I forgot to cancel? Yep, that’s why I’m single AND broke.”

Subscriptions aren’t evil—they’re convenient, exciting, and sometimes life-changing. But left unchecked, they are like a small army of financial pickpockets sneaking in every month. The good news? Awareness is the first step. The better news? You can reclaim your money without giving up your guilty pleasures (mostly).

So next time you sip your artisanal oat milk latte while bingeing “just one more episode,” remember: your bank account may be crying softly.

Here’s a list of subscriptions the average person may be entertaining and how much they are draining the bank account.

Streaming & Entertainment

Netflix - $18

Stan - $15

Disney+ - $15

Amazon Prime - $8—10

Spotify/Apple Music - $12—15

Audible - $20

Gaming subscriptions (Xbox etc) - $10—15

Average total if using 3–4 services: $60–70

Telecom & Internet

Mobile Plan - $40—80

Internet/NBN - $70—100

Streaming TV (Foxtel Now, Kayo, Fetch TV) - $25—50

VPN Services - $10—15

Average total: $145–245

Software & Productivity

Microsoft 365 - $12—15

Adobe Creative Cloud - $35—70

Cloud Storage (iCloud, Google One, Dropbox) - $3—15

Zoom - $15

Antivirus - $5—15

Average total: $70–130

Fitness & Health

Gym Membership - $50—80

Fitness Apps (Peloton, Fitbit Premium) - $10—20

Meditation/Mental Health apps - $10—15

Meal Plans/Diet Subscriptions - $50—100

Average total: $120–215

Food & Drink

Coffee Subscription - $15—30

Meal Kits (HelloFresh, Marley Spoon, Uber Eats) - $80—120

Wine/Beer Clubs - $50—100

Snack boxes/Specialty Foods - $30—60

Average total: $175–310

News, Magazines & Learning

Newspaper/Magazine subscriptions - $10—25

Online Learning (Masterclass, Skillshare) - $15—30

Language learning apps - $10—20

Average total: $35–75

Lifestyle & Shopping

Fashion/Accessory boxes - $50—100

Beauty boxes - $30—50

Amazon Prime - $8—10

Online memberships (OnlyFans, Patreon) - $5—20

Average total: $93–180

Finance & Utilities

Credit monitoring/Identity protection - $10—20

Investment app premium - $5—15

Insurance (Health, Car, Pet) - $50—150

Cloud accounting software - $10—30

Average total: $75–215

Transportation

Car Insurance - $80—150

Car Registration - $50—88

Average total: $136–238

How to Fight Back

1. Audit like a detective. Pull out your bank statements and hunt down every sneaky monthly charge.

2. Cancel the ghosts. If you haven’t used it in six months, it doesn’t love you; it loves your money.

3. Bundle, downgrade, or negotiate. Combine streaming, switch to free apps, or beg your gym to reduce your guilt tax.

4. Laugh at yourself. Because realising you’ve spent $150 on coffee subscriptions alone? Well, it’s tragic.

In this era of financial crisis, where lettuce costs more than your weekly rent once did, trimming back subscriptions is an easy win. Start by asking yourself the tough questions: Do you really need five streaming services when you only ever rewatch Friends? Could you swap your $120 meal kit for an Aldi stir-fry and a dash of creativity? Bundle what you can, share what you dare (family plans are a godsend), and cancel the stuff you signed up for after one glass too many of Sauvignon Blanc. A little ruthless auditing now could save you hundreds each year—and your bank account will thank you with the sweetest subscription of all: breathing room.